Legendary

Riding high after their dominating win in dodgeball, SamP and Mark headed to the refreshments area.  The AUBG Olympics crew served up salads, meat balls, sausages, rolls, sodas and Pirinsko beer.  (For those who don't know, Blagoevgrad is in the shadow of the Pirin Mountains, and Pirinsko is the locally made brew.  Like Grain Belt in Minneapolis, Spotted Cow in New Glarus, WI and Miller Lite in South Africa).

"You see, professor, the hands go on the rope, and then you pull. "  Whoa.  Slow down and explain that again, you fast talking son of a gun. 

After a little refreshment, SamP started doing what SamP does - inspiring others to do crazy stuff.  For some reason, he was able to convince old, fat, weak and tired Mark to participate in a tug of war competition against big, strong college kids.  What words did he use to convince this unlikeliest of events to transpire?  No one remembers, but there are rumors it began with "Let's be legendary!"

In any event, SamP was in.  Mark was in.  SamP quickly picked up two additional team members.  Batyr, in the blue t-shirt and black shorts, was apparently attempting to participate in every event (it is possible that he did, too, as he walked away with about a dozen medals).  Alexander, the buzz cut wearing shades, was also on the team to bring a little height and leverage to the proceedings.  To be honest, though, he probably should not have been on the team because he was one of the victims strewn about the dodgeball field by the eventual champions and probably needed more time to recover from the devastating wounds (physical, emotional and spiritual) he sustained there.

Game faces.  To conjure the emotion necessary for this hateful game face, Mark thinks of Gary Anderson missing that field goal in the 1998 NFC Championship game.

So that makes 4.  However, the other teams all had five members.  SamP had the team motivated enough to go into competition with only 4, but that might have made all of the vanquished opponents feel bad, so the team decided to find a fifth.  Who would be a worthy addition to this AUBG Olympics team?  If only there was an ACTUAL Olympian hanging around.... well, as luck would have it, there was.  The special guest of the AUBG Olympics was Lyubomir Ganev, a member of the 1988 and 1996 Bulgarian Olympic volleyball teams.  SamP approached him with an offer he could not refuse and the next thing you know, "Lupo" was signed up as the anchor of the team (I told you SamP was convincing) 

Lesson of the day: It is impossible to compete in tug-of-war and keep a semi-dignified look on your face.

The competition was set up as an 8-team, single elimination tournament.  Team SPOPS ("student, professor, olympian, professor, student") lined up for the first match which would be (as they all would be) best 2 out of 3.  The tension was high, the expectations were low.  When the whistle blew.... well, I cannot really tell you what happened.  I only remember 3 things.  First, everything started moving in slow motion.  Second, I am pretty sure I heard Chariots of Fire playing in the distance. And third, the team going against the SPOPS were pulled forward with such incredible force they all five ended up laying face down in the mud, rope burns still smoldering on their palms, with the crowd cheering as if at a Roman arena (or, at least that is how I remember it).  The second of the two "tugs" went the same and SPOPS had won the round, 2-0.  The next round proved the same as SPOPS did little more than make silly faces to win 2-0.

Then something funny started to happen.  We are now talking about 4 tug of war battles.  Granted, they were all victories so far, but they were taking an unhealthy toll.  Cardio vascular fitness began to fall into the "questionable" range.  Mark, an avid indoorsman, started feeling too winded to do tug of war.  This is not a good sign.  The meatballs and Pirinsko started to haunt team SPOPS as well.  However, ever the true sportsmen, team SPOPS pulled out a third victory, this one hard fought and hard won.

Now, the only thing standing between SPOPS and the gold medal in tug o war was team VOLTRON (awesome name).  This is them:

Voltron: Defenders of the Universe?

So keen observers may have already picked up this information, but for those who have not, it is obvious that this team has CHEATED, obtained UNFAIR ADVANTAGES and should be DISQUALIFIED from competition.  What exactly are these heinous violations?  I think they are pretty obvious, but if you need a little help:

(1) It is well-known fact that VOLTRON is made up of five robot lions.  It is pretty clear that robot lions are not eligible to participate in the AUBG Olympics.

(2) Clearly, the lead puller's hand is on the yellow part of the rope - that's a disqualification!!!!

And, probably most importantly...

(3) They are a LOT stronger than team SPOPS.  I mean look at the arms on these guys.  And they were not even winded.  That's not fair!  

Um...

 So, anyway, team SPOPS had to settle for the silver.  At first Mark was quite disappointed in this consolation prize.  Upon closer inspection, however, the etching in the medallion is pretty funny.... so it ain't all bad.