The Fans

Do not stare directly at the suits.

The Olympics are a lot of fun for a multitude of reasons: being able to watch great athletes competing at the highest level, traveling to a foreign city for a 2 week long party, and of course, drinking your first beer of the day at 8:54 am (again, this is not a normal thing).  But the thing that makes it fun and a little weird, is the fans.

Mark sat next to the gents in the top photo at the weightlifting event.  Although there was a significant language difference (they were from England, so Mark had a real difficult time understanding what they were saying), Mark was able to divine that the three guys with the Union Jack suits were planning to wear those suits every day for the following week.  The other guy, apparently didn't get the memo and was trying to play it off with the flag cape (no one was buying it).  Seriously, though, a full suit for a week in Rio?  That's going to get pretty ripe, fellas.  Maybe work in some cargo shorts?

That's a lot of beef for a rooster.

Here's a guy who I am pretty sure rocks the cargo shorts.  Brazilian rooster head gear guy.  Outstanding commitment, really nailed the landing.  Not the highest degree of difficulty, but very well executed. 

The higher degree of difficulty scores went to the full costumes.  For example, these (let's assume they're French) guys in the full body blue spandex suits.  Not really sure what they were going for, but I think they pulled off.

spandex is a privilege, not a right.

Not to be outdone, there was weirdness by some Japanese fans.  

C'mon Japan.

As near as Mark could figure, this is a Japanese television reporter doing a report in the Olympic Park while a weird-o in a Pokemon suit sneaks around in the background of the shot.  Apparently "Pokemon Go" hasn't caught on in Rio yet, because no one tried to catch the little yellow guy with an app on their cell phone (Mark is not certain that is how Pokemon Go would actually work or why Pokemon Go is a real thing).

Mark also identified a "Viking fan".....

...not to be confused with a "fan of the Vikings."

The Food Lines Were Long and You Get to Keep the Cup...

There's a lot going on in this photo, so let's break it down.  Normally, Mark does not have his first beer prior to 9:00 am.  Normally.  It has happened a few times, but only under unusual or awesome circumstances.   For example, maybe it happened once or twice while tailgating before football games.  Maybe once or twice after long plane trips where Mark's body and the local time were not in Sync.  And once after a concert (ironically, he thinks that it was N'Sync).

Anyway, on Saturday in Rio, Mark got his first beer in at 8:54 a.m.  This was not part of the plan, but circumstances conspired to make it happen.  First, the event started at 9:30.  Mark was still terrified that lines would be long, so he arrived early.  He was at the venue and completely through security at 8:45, a full 45 minutes before kick off (or whatever they do to officially start off a day of track and field).  So, Mark decided to get some refreshments.  He found a food stand which served pizza, some weird stuffed bread thing and popcorn, but the line was prohibitively long (we're talking 5-7 people). Right next to it, however, was a beer stand with a line of 1 person.  So....yeah.

Plus, the beer cups had the Olympic event logos on them.  I am told there are 42 different cups (collect them all!).  Mark made it back with 5.

And not only that, but astute fans will notice Mark's Minnesota Vikings cap (this is the year!!!).  Really astute fans will notice the logo on the beer cup is for Skol beer.  Yep, Skol beer.  As in "Skol!" - the phrase Vikings fans yell when the mighty purple make a play.

So, short line, cool cup, Skol beer and I wasn't driving anyway?  Kind of had to do it.

Sports Sports Sports

As previously mentioned, Mark attended 3 sporting events and was a witness to a fourth.  Below, please find Mark's commentary on the 4 events, based on his background knowledge of each event, which is, admittedly, uneven.

Rowing.  So, first thing: they announce that there is 5 minutes to go before a race starts.  This is pretty awesome.  Mark was standing near the starting blocks (starting docks?  who knows?) and heard that he had 5 minutes before it was go time.  Mark decided to grab a quick beer and/or snack.  Unfortunately, there is no beer guy at the starting line to rowing events at the Rio 2016 Olympics.  Go figure.

Anyway, on the event itself, I think they middle guy won.  Or the guy on the left.  Hard to tell, the finish line was really far away.

Next up was basketball.  As you can see, the lights on the court worked, but the lights in the stands made Mark's selfie look like Mark had left the lens cap over the left side of his lens.  But it wasn't just for Mark, the same phenomena affected the Serbian couple sitting in front of Mark.


Regarding the game, the USA got a big lead (like 25-6 or something) and ended up winning by 3.  So, after the hot start, the US team got outplayed the rest of the game.  Now the Serbs are up again as gold medal game opponents.  Ugh.

Serbian couple.

Selfies were a lot easier to take at the outdoor venue of the Olympic Stadium.  Mark is informed that the stadium was used for soccer, as well as opening ceremonies.  The stadium itself is new, clean and has nice sightlines.  Mark sat about 20-25 meters off the starting line of the 100 meters, so he had a nice vantage point for 100 meter dash starts and for the ending of all of the races.

Mark was fortunate enough to see Usain Bolt run 100 meters in the preliminaries.  He started slow, let up early and still won by a lot.  He's just better than the other runners.  The other highlight was the 3000 meter women's steeplechase.  Not normally an event that Mark knows existed, but he got into it this time.  One of the competitors from Kenya got into a crash when another runner stepped on her foot.  Her shoe became dislodged and she tried to slip it back on.  That didn't work, so she just through it off.  Since it was steeplechase, her socks were wet, so she took that off too.  She ran about 2000 meters in one bare foot.  That's compelling track and field, ladies and gentlemen.

You can't finish the race without going by Mark.

Lastly, Mark attended weightlifting.  Despite having some prior interest in weightlifting, Mark had never been to an actual weightlifting event.  He will probably never go to another one because (1) this was the pinnacle, the Olympic games and (2) even so, they could not make it interesting.  Mark saw the only member of the USA men's Olympic weightlifting team compete.  He did well, but did not make it to the finals or on to the medal stand.  But why does USA weightlifting have only 1 male team member?

The one thing I liked about the weightlifting was that there were no assigned seating, just a section.  This would seem to reward the more aggressive fans.  Weird, but whatever works.

The Fields of Play

So whatever you have heard about the games in Rio, the city and the facilities themselves are absolutely fantastic.  Ryan Lochte could not have picked a prettier place to fake an abduction/robbery.


The area where Mark stayed was Ipanema (yes, just like the song about the girl from there).  This area is beautifully outfitted and nestled between the lake and the beach in the south zone of Rio, just south of Copacabana Beach.  It really is a gorgeous neighborhood.  They were holding the rowing events in Ipanema while Mark was there, so he decided to walk over and have a look-see.

On his way to the area from the airport, the cab driver explained that they did most of the rowing events in the morning because the winds picked up in the afternoon, and made it more difficult.  Despite that, Mark was able to see a couple of starts to rowing events on the lake.  Because it was a nice day out and all seemed right in the world, Mark decided to walk around the lake.  In the distance, he could see the famous "Christ the Redeemer" statue (sitting atop a mountain called "Corcovado" or "hunchback", you may be able to just barely make it out on top of the cliff in the photo above) from just about any spot around the lake.

After arriving on Thursday, Mark made it to his first event on Friday evening.  His first event was basketball, and it took place at the Olympic park.  The Park housed several of the Olympic venues in one area.  Most of the spectators took dedicated public transportation to Olympic Park (you had to show your event ticket to get on the subway that went out to the Park).  Once there, everyone went through security once, but once inside the park, you could move freely from venue to venue.  Mark was able to check out the tennis stadium, badminton courts, and other basketball arenas before taking his seat at this own event Friday night.

Mark arrived in Rio expecting long lines.  To the contrary, he found that everything was moving quite smoothly.  The longest line he ever suffered through was 24 minutes (and yes, he was timing each and every line).  Most of the security lines, he was able to walk up and immediately go through metal detectors.  The longest line that Mark saw, however, was a monster.  And what was it for?  The gift shop.  The photo above is of the line to enter the Rio 2016 Olympics Mega Store.  Officially licensed merchandise is quite a draw.  And yes, Mark did eventually get in, but he is proud to report that he did so after the USA defeated Serbia on Friday night, so the place was nearly empty (the other people had either gone to their events or finished for the day and gone home)

Otherwise, the Olympic park was pretty cool.  They had buildings that were both functional and aesthetically pleasing.  They also had McDonalds in the food court.  What else could you ask for?

On Saturday, Mark ventured to the track & field events.  This took place at Olympic Stadium (not to be confused with Olympic Park).  It was in an entirely different part of the city, but was still pretty easy to navigate to.

Mark's final event of rio 2016 was at Riocentro, which was pretty near the Olympic Park.  Mark got the sense that RioCentro was the home of the sports that might appear in "Obscure Sports Quarterly" magazine.  Mark attended the weightlifting event there, but noticed that the other sports fans there were excited about their tickets to fencing, trampoline and ..... "Pokemon Go".

Rio 2016!

So, the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janero Janireo Ganero Janeiro? are up and running, you might have heard.  The press coverage has been ... bleak.  Short of a zombie apocalypse, this event has every catastrophe that you can imagine: Zika virus, rampant crime, no police, bad weather, drugged up Russians, bad water, and dead bodies littering the streets.  Only an idiot would purposely subject himself to this, right.

Well, meet that idiot.

Yep.  Mark has always wanted to go to an Olympics and decided this was the year.  Anne got him some tickets for his birthday and it was go time.  When a very generous friend living in Rio did not say no offered a free place to sleep, the deal was sealed.  Mark was on his way to the Olympics.

Now, just to be clear, Mark did not participate in these games.  Although his skill in dodgeball is well documented, and he is constantly looking for a chance to redeem himself after the tug of war loss that still haunts him, inexplicably, neither of these events in in the modern Olympic games.  Obviously, this is just another failing by the IOC and an effort by the international community to keep Mark down.

So, as a spectator, Mark attended the games.  He had tickets to men's basketball, weightlifting and track and field.  Additionally, he saw some rowing, as he was staying in Ipanema, very near the area where the rowing events were held.

Someone, despite what was reported in the press, Mark found Rio and the games to be rather enjoyable.  Mark is happy to report that he suffered no Zika infection.  In fact, he didn't get a single bug bite.  He was neither mugged nor robbed, although this is probably due to the fact he looks like a poorly groomed, fat guy in cheap clothing, or to a robber - not worth the effort.  Mark had no problems with security lines, the longest wait was 24 minutes, and that was to pick up previously purchased tickets.  He managed to get around the city using public transportation (except for to and from the airport, when he used a cab).  Everyone was nice and very forgiving of his lack of language skills.

But that is not to say his trip was without complaint.  Here are the top 5 issues Mark had at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games:

1. Portuguese as a language.  What the hell is that?

2. USA Men's Basketball interior defense.  And I use the term "defense" charitably.  Hey, guys, if you don't guard the 6'10" Serbian guy standing under the basket, they WILL pass it to him and he WILL dunk it on you.  And then he'll do it again, and again, and again.....

3. Iowa Hawkeye fan outside of the RioCentro.  Hey, dude.  You're wearing a Hawkeyes t-shirt.  I say to you, "Go Hawks!"  The response is "Let's Go Hawks!"  I will also accept "Go Hawks" if you're in a hurry.  You are NOT allowed to say "Ok."  Turn in your Hawkeye gear.  You're done.

4. Visa only.  I get it, you're the exclusive sponsor.  But food stands that don't accept cash, Visa only? That's a little much.

5. Dead bodies floating in the water.  All hype.  I didn't see a single floater..... and I was looking for them.

HBomb's Big 0-3!

Without asking permission, HBomb recently turned 3 years old!  We observed this momentous occasion in Argentina, marking the third different country that HBomb has celebrated his cumpleanos (In Virginia when he turned 1, in Mexico when he turned 2 and now this).  Quite the globe trotter.

It's my birthday, and I ain't got time to wait for nobody!

This year, the regular group of luminaries wanted to celebrate with HBomb.  John Kerry even made the trip (the press may have you believe the trip was for matters of state, but I think we all know he was here for the HBomb's big day).  Anne, Mark and the HBomb made time to give JK an audience, but the Secretary was running late and HBomb had other things to do, so they ended up ducking out early.  Sorry, Secretary Kerry, maybe next year.

But, HBomb did have time to make it to his favorite place, Temaiken Bioparque.

Temaiken is a zoo, I suppose, but it is run by a conservation foundation.  It has large habitats for the animals and is accredited by zoo organization-types.  Jane Goodall visited there when she was here.  This is to draw a contrast with the Buenos Aires zoo, which was sad, small, and recently shut down.

HBomb loves Temaiken.  First, to get there you get to ride in the car, which is suddenly one of HBomber's favorite things.  Second, you can run as far as you want in pretty much any direction.  Third, you can feed the fish and the animals at the petting zoo (sheep, goats and chickens).  So, it pretty much covers all the bases.

Baaaa!!!

And no birthday celebration is complete without a dinner and cake.  This round is Anne, Mark and the HBomb out for pizza and cake with our friends from the Belgrano neighborhood.  Happy Birthday, HBomb!