Rio 2016!

So, the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janero Janireo Ganero Janeiro? are up and running, you might have heard.  The press coverage has been ... bleak.  Short of a zombie apocalypse, this event has every catastrophe that you can imagine: Zika virus, rampant crime, no police, bad weather, drugged up Russians, bad water, and dead bodies littering the streets.  Only an idiot would purposely subject himself to this, right.

Well, meet that idiot.

Yep.  Mark has always wanted to go to an Olympics and decided this was the year.  Anne got him some tickets for his birthday and it was go time.  When a very generous friend living in Rio did not say no offered a free place to sleep, the deal was sealed.  Mark was on his way to the Olympics.

Now, just to be clear, Mark did not participate in these games.  Although his skill in dodgeball is well documented, and he is constantly looking for a chance to redeem himself after the tug of war loss that still haunts him, inexplicably, neither of these events in in the modern Olympic games.  Obviously, this is just another failing by the IOC and an effort by the international community to keep Mark down.

So, as a spectator, Mark attended the games.  He had tickets to men's basketball, weightlifting and track and field.  Additionally, he saw some rowing, as he was staying in Ipanema, very near the area where the rowing events were held.

Someone, despite what was reported in the press, Mark found Rio and the games to be rather enjoyable.  Mark is happy to report that he suffered no Zika infection.  In fact, he didn't get a single bug bite.  He was neither mugged nor robbed, although this is probably due to the fact he looks like a poorly groomed, fat guy in cheap clothing, or to a robber - not worth the effort.  Mark had no problems with security lines, the longest wait was 24 minutes, and that was to pick up previously purchased tickets.  He managed to get around the city using public transportation (except for to and from the airport, when he used a cab).  Everyone was nice and very forgiving of his lack of language skills.

But that is not to say his trip was without complaint.  Here are the top 5 issues Mark had at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games:

1. Portuguese as a language.  What the hell is that?

2. USA Men's Basketball interior defense.  And I use the term "defense" charitably.  Hey, guys, if you don't guard the 6'10" Serbian guy standing under the basket, they WILL pass it to him and he WILL dunk it on you.  And then he'll do it again, and again, and again.....

3. Iowa Hawkeye fan outside of the RioCentro.  Hey, dude.  You're wearing a Hawkeyes t-shirt.  I say to you, "Go Hawks!"  The response is "Let's Go Hawks!"  I will also accept "Go Hawks" if you're in a hurry.  You are NOT allowed to say "Ok."  Turn in your Hawkeye gear.  You're done.

4. Visa only.  I get it, you're the exclusive sponsor.  But food stands that don't accept cash, Visa only? That's a little much.

5. Dead bodies floating in the water.  All hype.  I didn't see a single floater..... and I was looking for them.